May 20, 2009

Sorry, but I just got to release this and let it go, so forgive me for just blogging my thoughts. But I've got to get this off my chest, and this is the only place I know that I can do that.

I always thought of myself as an emotional eater. Usually, I eat anything in sight. There's only one time in my life that I can recall, where it was the type of stress that made you lose your appetite and food made you ill to even think about. That is, up until now. 14 years later, and the big stress #2 kicks in.

My DH (yes, I still call him dear, as he will always be my best friend) came home for a visit less than a month ago. (if you didn't know, he lives 3 1/2 hrs away due to a job promotion and he moved away 2 1/2 years ago). He asked for a divorce.

If you haven't been through a divorce, it's about the exact same as a death. In a sense it is. It means an end. A finale. For us, it is an end to 24 years of marriage. The sad part is, I do not blame him. The other sad part is, he is the absolute love of my life and I'm going to miss him with every ounce of my being... ALWAYS. And, I wish I could take back every mistake I ever made in this marriage, because he is still worth it.

I do recognize, that it takes two to make a marriage work, and it takes two to make a divorce. So while he may not recognize it, I know that we both made mistakes that led to this point. I would never want it to go back to the way it was. That is what brought us here. But a rebirth of a new beginning together would be heaven.

The one thing I've learned, is that divorces are ALWAYS based upon the past. So, being the future isn't written yet, anything is possible.

Unless you are the one initiating the divorce, divorce equals no appetite. Which doesn't help someone like me that is about 11 lbs now under my low end of my weight range.

I guess the good in this, is that I am going to quit smoking. I don't have much of an option. I'll be supporting my kids for the most part, with help from them, and I can't have them go hungry, in order for me to feed a habit. I'm working with the doctor on this, so wish me well. And stay out of my way and don't take it personal if I become a b***h for a while... lol

Love you all. Have a great skinny day and thank you for letting me vent.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Sorry I haven't been on here as frequently. I'm just going through a lot of challenges right now, non-weight ones, that I want to make my priority right now.

I will be on here when I can, but know that you can always email me for support and any questions you might have to help you on your journey.

For now, just take this journey one day at a time, and as slow as it may appear to go, just know it's all good. Embrace every ounce, and embrace everything in your life. Every day is a blessing, even if we don't always see it.